stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
