Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize