You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
