I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
