i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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