This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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