youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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