I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
