It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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