Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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