and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
