two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
