just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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