The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
