I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
