My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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