i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
So apparently I’m into choking now
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