I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize
