hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
