Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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