Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
