If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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