She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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