there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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