just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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