Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
