There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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