"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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