I bet he comes in French.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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