just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
