I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Randomize
