he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
