I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Michael Bay diarrhea
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
