I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
