Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Randomize
