I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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