so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
