My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
