so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize