Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
