he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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