Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
