i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
