Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
