Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
