I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
