When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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