hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
