Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
