I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
