He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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