I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
