Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
