By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
