new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
