you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
