God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
