I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize