So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
