Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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