Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
