so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
You took a bar mat shot.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Randomize
