thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
