Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Randomize
