Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
