Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You took a bar mat shot.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
