his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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