Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
