He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
