I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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