***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
